Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart
December 16, 2007 – 11:12 pmSo I just finished reading book 1, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart by John Ensor. Yes, that’s a Google Book Search link - a surprising number of pages for a copyrighted book are online, and it will give you links to websites you can buy it from.
A few first observations: it’s easy to read, it’s short (160 small pages), Ensor writes in the first person and shares many of his own experiences, he relies heavily both on the Bible and on other poets and authors, most notably Shakespeare. It seems to me to be doctrinally sound - nothing he said made me cringe. On the back, it’s endorsed by Tim Challies (a prominent blogger of good repute) and CJ Mahaney, a pastor I trust. He quotes John Piper several times and references the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womenhood.
Very simply, Doing Things Right seeks to define biblical manhood and womanhood, with the lens of “how does this apply to marriage relationships.” Quoting Ensor’s quoting of Piper (from Piper’s What’s the Difference?) on page 75:
He writes of manhood:
At the heart of mature manhood is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.
He writes of womanhood:
At the heart of mature womanhood is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.
That is, a biblical view of manhood and womanhood affects all male-female relationships - not just marriage relationships. But having a proper understanding of proper gender roles is crucial in marriage.
Being a Christian Hedonist, the chapter that stuck out to me/resonated with me most was chapter 14 - “He Seeks His Happiness in Hers…. She Seeks Hers in His.” That is, what should make us most happy is our spouse’s happiness. But beyond that (something that Ensor didn’t really get into, as he wasn’t making an attempt to explain Christian Hedonism), what should make us most happy is our spouse’s happiness in Christ. This can be said about any relationship - our desire should be to point/encourage one another to know Christ more, because He is most satisfying. And that should apply in marriage too.
Ensor does sort of hit on that theme, though, in this quote that ends that chapter:
Love is basically seeking your own happiness in the well-being of another. It may be more than that, but it will never be less. Selfishness, the deadly enemy of love, is not “seeking your own need.” Selfishness is seeking your own need separately from the needs of others, or at the expense of others, or apart from God. This is the kind of self-seeking that is condemned (Romans 2:8). The opposite of selfishness is not selflessness. That is often the lofty language of altruistic idealism run amok. The opposite of selfishness is self-fulfillment in the holy joy and well-being of others. This is doable.
Seek your happiness in the holy happiness of the other. Sacrifice and submit to that end, and you can no more be divided than you can go out to dinner and leave your stomach at home.
With that, I’ll say that I enjoyed this book, and learned a lot from it. It helped put many random ideas that I’ve had/been learning into a framework, so that my thinking can be structured, and brought up many “obvious” things that I hadn’t thought of before.
I would recommend it to everyone (even those with the gift of singleness….)
-Ben
